I like this one, Rachel. Would you consider relinquishing 575? It was hard for me to accept that a "true haiku" wasn't a prescribed syllabic form, but my poems are better for it, I think.
You have good poetic voice that will really sing, freed from all that counting.
2 comments:
i like the ideas here
but 'falls' rather than 'falling'
avoid the alliteration - replace 'mutes' with 'softens' and take out either 'everyday' or 'mundane'
last line
'but the new leaves singing'
i know it messes up the 575.
But what do I know?? almost nothing
Best wishes
David
I like this one, Rachel. Would you consider relinquishing 575? It was hard for me to accept that a "true haiku" wasn't a prescribed syllabic form, but my poems are better for it, I think.
You have good poetic voice that will really sing, freed from all that counting.
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