Perhaps, Diana, you could cull the extraneous words and it would be a fine contemporary haiku. I started doggedly counting out 17 syllables too, but ultimately it's too many. An English equivalent to the Japanese "on" is longer, so in English, about 11-12 syllables conveys the same information. If you look at haiku publications, you will almost never see a 17-syllable haiku. You have a good poetic eye and voice. What they taught us about haiku in elementary school is simply wrong. :-)
Thanks so much, Nora, because I really do love your very terse pieces.
I guess part of what I enjoy about haiku is the concept that I have to work creatively within a fixed structure. It's going to take some getting used to, I think, not having to count syllables. I may, for a time at least, feel like like I'm missing some nebulous mark...But I think that it will be worth the temporary discomfort. (You may have to help "cheerlead" me along!)
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I like "promissory note."
Perhaps, Diana, you could cull the extraneous words and it would be a fine contemporary haiku. I started doggedly counting out 17 syllables too, but ultimately it's too many. An English equivalent to the Japanese "on" is longer, so in English, about 11-12 syllables conveys the same information. If you look at haiku publications, you will almost never see a 17-syllable haiku. You have a good poetic eye and voice. What they taught us about haiku in elementary school is simply wrong. :-)
Thanks so much, Nora, because I really do love your very terse pieces.
I guess part of what I enjoy about haiku is the concept that I have to work creatively within a fixed structure. It's going to take some getting used to, I think, not having to count syllables. I may, for a time at least, feel like like I'm missing some nebulous mark...But I think that it will be worth the temporary discomfort. (You may have to help "cheerlead" me along!)
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