I like the concept of "woven into the wall", but wonder if the piece wouldn't be stronger with fewer words (a la my ad hoc haiku "instruction" from nora). Perhaps you could drop "sunlit" (already expressed through "warm") and whatever word begins your wall line (can't look at that and this comment section at the same time) I think it was "like" or "seems". Just a thought.
6 comments:
What a gorgeous photo. (Mine hasn't yet bloomed.)
I like the concept of "woven into the wall", but wonder if the piece wouldn't be stronger with fewer words (a la my ad hoc haiku "instruction" from nora). Perhaps you could drop "sunlit" (already expressed through "warm") and whatever word begins your wall line (can't look at that and this comment section at the same time) I think it was "like" or "seems". Just a thought.
Can't wait for those buds to open!
There is something about fuji isn't there?
It looks like 'dusting' as on a cake, but 'woven' captures it equally well.
I agree with diana, that you could drop one or two words so it's more 'showing' the wisteria (fuji) then telling us e.g.
flowering wisteria -
woven
into the sunlit wall.
sunlit wall
the weave of the wisteria
Diana,
Click "Show Original Post"
Thanks, martin.
thanks for these suggestions. very helpful.
I didn't want 'seems' in at all. my instinct was to ditch it from the start.
Alan your version shines.
Thanks Martin
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