the seasonal blogs from 2006 to 2009

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2006 2007 20082006 2007 2008 20092006 2007 20082006 2007 2008
from Sep'2009 permanent website @ The Four Seasons of Haiku


wisteria -
seems woven
into the warm sunlit wall

Photo Wisteria by Nick Atkins


diana l. said...

What a gorgeous photo. (Mine hasn't yet bloomed.)

I like the concept of "woven into the wall", but wonder if the piece wouldn't be stronger with fewer words (a la my ad hoc haiku "instruction" from nora). Perhaps you could drop "sunlit" (already expressed through "warm") and whatever word begins your wall line (can't look at that and this comment section at the same time) I think it was "like" or "seems". Just a thought.

Can't wait for those buds to open!

Alan Summers said...

There is something about fuji isn't there?

It looks like 'dusting' as on a cake, but 'woven' captures it equally well.

I agree with diana, that you could drop one or two words so it's more 'showing' the wisteria (fuji) then telling us e.g.

flowering wisteria -
into the sunlit wall

martin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
martin said...

sunlit wall
the weave of the wisteria


Click "Show Original Post"

diana l. said...

Thanks, martin.

David said...

thanks for these suggestions. very helpful.

I didn't want 'seems' in at all. my instinct was to ditch it from the start.

Alan your version shines.

Thanks Martin